BEHAVIOR PROBLEMS IN TEENS AND PRETEENS
BEHAVIOR PROBLEMS IN TEENS AND PRETEENS
Your preteen or adolescent is going through enormous changes in a few short years. They are physically changing – height, weight, sexual development, skin changes, and a vast number of neurological changes. These can be related to emotional and psychological changes as well.
An important part of their development into happy, healthy adults is to want more independence, spending more time with peers than their family. The parents' job is to set appropriate limits, teach resilience, and help them learn how to have positive relationships.
Some common behaviors that some families find to be challenging are being argumentative, disrespectful in words or actions, moodiness and extremes of emotions, and aggressive or violent behavior. Challenging behavior and changes in mood are a normal part of adolescence, but if it is extreme it may be concerning. Most behaviors or emotional periods should not last more than a few days. If your teen is showing on-going sadness, frustration, isolation from all social activities or violent behavior, you should talk with your teenager's primary care provider.
Their brains are still developing (until the mid twenties), and they may have very intense emotions without the coping tools to deal with them. This results in them being very sensitive, self-conscious, and sometimes, overwhelmed by their feelings. These can be accentuated by poor sleep or dietary habits.
The best way that you, as a parent, can help is to set good examples by having healthy habits yourself, listening to your teenager in a compassionate way, showing interest in their activities (without prying), asking them if they want you to help them with an issue before giving your opinions, and demonstrating effective problem solving skills yourself, without anger.
Some simple guidelines can help when you are having arguments with your adolescent. First, avoid arguments when you can. Ignore little things like eye rolling or muttering if your child is otherwise behaving appropriately. Avoid nagging- they tend to tune out and it will increase your frustration. Defuse arguments (with you or other family members) by listening to each person's opinion and working together to find a solution. Try to stay calm, even if your child reacts with attitude. Pay attention to what the real problems may be. If things get too heated, take a break from each other to calm down and then have a more reasonable discussion.
Your teen may test the boundaries as they exert their independence. Have clear boundaries which have been discussed with your teen. Explain the consequences of breaking rules and make sure they are understood. Natural consequences are most effective. If your teenager stays out past a curfew time without calling, they may lose the privilege of going out in the evening for a set period of time. Failure to do their expected household chores may result in restriction from doing an enjoyable activity until the chores are completed. If they damage property, they may have to repair or replace it, earning money with extra work. Avoid yelling at your teen, shaming or humiliating them, or any physical punishment for behaviors. They tend to cause more behavior problems and don't help them learn effective ways to handle their frustration or anger.
Persistent or severe behavior problems should be discussed with a Pediatrician. There may be other physical or mental health problems that need to be evaluated. Dr. Cheryl Coldwater is a pediatrician with experience evaluating and treating children and adolescents with pediatric mental health issues. You can schedule an appointment on SimplePractice.com for an office visit, virtual appointment, or a meeting in the park where we can safely distance as needed.