BACK TO SCHOOL- HOW TO HELP YOUR CHILD SUCCEED IN SCHOOL

With the beginning of the school year, many parents wonder how best to help their child. If you do too much, you may end up doing most of the work for them. If you do too little, your child may get frustrated or overwhelmed. Here are some ideas to help.

1. Have Positive Expectations - Work together to create goals. Do they need to participate more in class? Do some role playing at home. Do they need to get their homework done on time? Break it down into steps so they can start remembering to do each step in order (I'll give an example later). Don't focus too heavily on the grades, especially in elementary school. Your child will be far happier receiving an honest positive statement from you, than all the numbers and letters on the report card! “I really like how you did this drawing. The yellow color makes me feel happy” is better than an “A”. Young children don't really understand grading systems very well, anyway.

2. Have a Homework Routine – If your child has homework assignments, having a consistent routine may help. There is controversy about the benefits of homework in elementary school. If your child is really struggling to do the work, or it seems excessive, talk with your child's teacher or counselor. For older children, I like to break the routine into four parts-

A. Write down the assignment. You may think you will remember, but you might not.

B. Before leaving school, make sure you have all the things you need to do your homework. Check that you have the book, or the worksheet, etc.

C. Do the homework, sooner rather than later. If you put it off, you will be more tired and cranky, and it will take longer.

D. Put the homework back in your binder or backpack where you can find it easily. Otherwise, you get back to school and realize it's still on the table at home.

E. Go back and turn in the homework to your teacher.

Every step is critical. If you don't do each step, your homework doesn't get turned in on time. If you are having trouble getting it done, sit down and figure out which step is the problem and then work on that one specifically.

3. Connect with the teachers. If your child is having trouble, contact the teacher and see what's going on. Some kids have a lot of trouble asking for help, so no one knows they are really struggling until the grades start dropping. Every child is unique with individual educational needs. Work with the teacher to find the best approach for your child.

4. Help your child have healthy sleep habits. One of the most important steps is to limit screen time at least 30 minutes before bedtime. Have a consistent bedtime routine- turn off the electronics, take a bath or shower, brush teeth, use the bathroom, then get in bed and read a book to unwind and get ready for sleep. Make sure your child gets enough sleep (for most kids and teens 9-10 hours is appropriate).

5. Help your child in appropriate ways. You may need to help more with young kids- reviewing the instructions or working with them. Read to your child and encourage them to read independently- it's one of the most important things to do for their education! Avoid doing homework for your child. If it's too difficult or your child doesn't understand it, help them talk with their teacher. There are even times when it's okay to allow your child to fail! If your child is able to do the work, and is making poor choices, not doing assignments, not studying for tests, etc., sometimes, the best thing the parent can do is allow them to fail the test and have the natural consequences. If they have to retake a test, or do extra work to bring up their grade, they will understand that they actually have to do their own work to succeed.

6. Focus on solutions. If there is a problem, sit down and problem solve together. This also helps your student learn problem solving skills! Describe the concern and each of you come up with ideas. Then, discuss the benefits and risks of each idea. When you decide on a good approach, make a plan to activate it. If your child needs help, teach them how to ask for help appropriately. I like the expression “This is an experiment”. Everything is an experiment and we try things to see what works. If it doesn't work, try something else. It takes away the idea of “failure” when someone makes a mistake or their choices don't work out well. An experiment that doesn't turn out as expected isn't a failure; it's the beginning of the next experiment!

Remember, our goal as parents is to help our children succeed in school. We want them to be excited about learning, to enjoy reading, to work on a problem and overcome it, to get along with others, to seek help when needed, to develop self-discipline and understanding of new ideas. Those are the true gifts we give them in their education.